My Eulogy

I was blessed and honored to call James Edward Ray my father. When it came my time to stand over his flagged draped coffin and try to say in a few words what he meant to me, I knew I better have back up. Below are the words that in no way could do justice to just how great a man he was"

"Thank you all for coming.

If you don't know who I am, my name is James Edward Ray II, a name I bear with honor and pride. James Edward Ray the first was a man unlike any other. As quick with a joke as he was with a helping hand, my Dad lead a very full and rich life. Born Oct 1, 1944, "Butch" was a big baby. Some have even eluded that his size may have been a direct link to some of Mun's bad moods, but at 12 lbs 9 oz I think I'd have a bad day, too. Dad had a normal enough childhood in Alexandria, Poppa working as a Trooper and Mun as a nurse, and he spent summers life guarding at the Aquatic Club and flirting with the ladies. He had a promising career as a gymnast at Northwestern until the day he received his letter from Uncle Sam. My oldest daughter Abbi recently interviewed him for a school project, and he retold the story of the day he received the call to serve his country. He and Poppa had gone and signed papers and paid the deposit on a dark blue 1967 Mustang, and he'd driven it off the lot and around town all day. When he returned home that night, there was Poppa, with his notice. The next day they both went back to the dealer, and the man listened to the story and gave Dad every cent back and tore up the papers. After he returned from Vietnam, he met Mom after seeing her through the K-Dixie window. He wasted no time in courting her and putting a ring on her finger. Man, he was cool.

Dad always found time for us as a family, wether it was camping trips or Scouting or working in the yard, we did lots together. He liked to say he wasn't the smartest man, but I'd put him up against any man I ever met. He once told me "Don't worry about learning everything about something, but try to learn something about everything," I can remember when the Space Shuttle first rolled out and being so fascinated about it, and asking him a million questions about the whole program. He calmly told me he didn't know, but he'd find out. And one day not long afterwards, I came home to find a package from NASA waiting on my gold comforter. It was full of color pictures and articles and all kinds of facts about the Enterprise. Everything I could hope to know and more. And he told me "I may not know the answer, but I'll find someone who does, and I'm not afraid to ask them. Don't ever be afraid to ask someone a question. Worst they can do is say no. And smart people love to answer questions." And he was right. he was right a lot. What my Dad may have lacked in natural talent he made up for in perseverance.

As a teenager, we maybe didn't get along that well, and there were plenty of bumps on that road, but I was amazed at how smart he became once I got married. Over these last 20 years, we became very close. I know a father and son are supposed to be close, but our relationship was more than than. He was my best friend. Wether it was visiting the Air Museum in Pensacola, hanging out at Lowe's checking out lumber, or our favorite pastime , making sawdust in the garage, there was no other man I'd rather spend my time with. He was patient, attentive, helpful, informative, supportive and most of all, loving. He taught me many things, like "Measure twice and cut once", "Common sense ain't that common anymore", but the most important thing he taught me was how to be a father to my two girls Abbi & Lilli, and a husband to my wife Tina.

This disease sapped his strength away so quickly, but the entire time he was moving toward the end his main focus with his remaining time was on other people. We finished a ton of projects together, wood working, coloring books, memory books and other things. He knew he wouldn't be around for his "Girls", so we made sure they'd continue to receive his special cards and packages. I can tell you he worked me to the bone these last few months, but I would do it all over again for him. Just one more day, and one more project for tech support.

I'd like to share with you a message I received from a very close friend of mine shortly after Dad passed away. I have read it a dozen times at least since Friday, and it gives me such peace.
   "When I think of your Father
     He is swinging on your patio swing arms outstretched
     Waiting for one of his grandchildren to sit on or next to him
     When I think of your Father
     He is smiling with gratitude and love for his family
     When I think of your Father
     He is a man of second chances. Meant to accomplish God's work.
     When I think of your Father
     Bravery, Integrity,Intelligence, Principle, Creativity and Compassion are his Character
     When I think of your Father
     He has left his plagued vessel to greet God bathed in warm sunshine
     for peace, infinite love, and immeasurable happiness for he is One of God's Own"

When my parents brought home a beautiful dog named Jacob, they were prepared to love him for a long time. Sadly, it was not to be. After being diagnosed with inoperable cancer, the vet offered to put him down...but mom and dad decided to keep him and care for him until they could no longer manage his pain, and they showered that dog with love. After he passed, Abbi was especially upset. Grump sat down and wrote her a letter from Jacob. He told Abbi how special their time together had been, and how he no longer was in any pain. He closed the letter with these words
  "Let your tears be tears of joy. I am no longer sick and I will be happy forever with Jesus.
   Remember me in your prayers each night and be a good girl."

I'll miss you Dad, and I will always remember you. Say hi to Mun, Poppa, Aunt Dot and Poppa Joe for me. And rest easy, I'll take it from here..."

I love you, Dad...

Abbi's Eulogy

Abbi, my daughter, loved Grump very much. So it came as no real surprise that when it came time to lay Dad to his final rest, she wanted to say a few words. The emotion, insight and clarity of her words stunned me, and I was so very proud of her.

The following is a copy of her eulogy:

"James... Grump... was more than just a great man, he was an extraordinary husband, an amazing friend, an indescribable grandpa, and an inspirational father, role model, and pier. He never looked down upon a man, and always found something great in everyone around him. He always brought joy to everyone, pulling pranks and cracking jokes. He loved to make me, Lilli, and his other granddaughter coloring books. I loved to color them as a little kid, and still do today.
He created many bonds and friendships during his life... in work, war, and just everyday life. Many looked up to him as a father. He loved his wife dearly and his sons and granddaughters to no end.
Anything he worked at, he would thrive in. When he would pick up a camera, he could take exquisite pictures. When he sat down at his computer, he could work up wonders. When he sat to tell his family a story, he could bring tears to our eyes and put love in their hearts.
He was truly one of a kind and can never be replaced."

Abbi & Grump at Jefferson Island, LA

Welcome

Thank you for coming to my special corner of the internet reserved especially for my father, James Edward Ray.

Dad had just turned 67 years old when he died Friday, October 14, 2011at the VA Palliative Care Unit in Pineville, surrounded by loved ones after his long battle with cancer.

from his obit:
"James was preceded in death by his parents, James Ray and Mildred Bordelon Ray, and one brother, Donald Ray. He is survived by his wife of 43 years, Mandy Price Ray, two sons John Michael Ray and his wife Melisa of Saugus, CA and James Edward Ray, II and his wife Tina of Lafayette, four granddaughters Abigail Ray, Sydney Ray, Lillian Ray and Caitlyn Collela, his sister Margaret Ray Roan and her husband Jerry of Alexandria, and his brother John Curtis Ray and Harri Vanahala of Washington, DC.

He grew up in Alexandria and graduated from Bolton High School in 1962 then attended Northwestern State University on a gymnastic scholarship. He served in Vietnam with the Army Corp of Engineers, returning to Alexandria in 1968. A terminal manager for 13 years at Red Ball Motor Freight, James worked there until its closure. He spent the rest of his career until retired from Hixson Brothers, comforting families in their time of loss, after 26 years in 2010.

After seeing Mandy through the window at K-Dixie in 1968, James was instantly smitten. He met and married his one true love soon thereafter. A devoted husband and father, James and Mandy moved to Ball with their sons in 1978. James was an avid fisherman and outdoorsman and led his sons as Scoutmaster in Boy Scout Troop 23 for many years. James loved his hometown of Ball and even designed the town's seal and flag while recuperating from a battle with cancer. In 1999, James became a Grandfather for the first time and took on his most beloved role "Grump". His love for his granddaughters fueled a passion for photography and genealogy. James left a behind a legacy of the past tempered with photographs of the present determined to leave his wife, his sons, his granddaughters and his family a monument to their futures. He will be so greatly missed."

I hope to fill this space with photos, videos and memories of him.

Jamie